Reciting Yizkor on Yom Kippur is one of the universal and hallowed traditions of the day.
After we read from the Torah, before the Mussaf service begins, we place the two Torah scroll that we read from side by side on the Bimah and a Talis is draped over them.
There is an announcement – Yizkor. This proclamation is an indication for all those whose parents are living to leave the synagogue.
When I was young, as I was leaving, I observed the men who stayed for Yizkor kind of staring into space or fidgeting to find the place in their prayer books. And when I was let back in, there was an eerie stillness in the air.
Of course I was intrigued with what went on in the Shul while the doors were shut.
Then, when I was 22 years old, I lost my dear mother, and my siblings and I joined the club and learned what the Yizkor service was all about.
You can call it a private time. We stop and remember, recall and connect to our dear and departed loved ones. We recall their righteous ways and try to emulate them. We pray on their behalf and add merit to their souls by pledging charity on their behalf.
But why do we recite Yizkor on Yom Kippur? The Torah calls Yom Kippur in the plural form – Yom Kippurim, which means that aside from our personal atonement that is achieved on Yom Kippur, there is also an atonement for the departed souls as well.
Once a person passes from this world his body is interred in the ground, while his Neshama – his eternal soul – returns to Heaven and an assessment of his life is conducted by the Heavenly court.
Once one dies, the ability for one to actively add merits comes to a halt, and one’s level of reward or punishment is eternally judged based on how one lived their life.
However, just as we have an opportunity to wipe our slate clean by being granted atonement on Yom Kippur for the misdeeds that we did during the year, a departed soul is also evaluated on Yom Kippur and is assessed by the lingering effects of his life’s contribution. If he has children, descendants or people that he had a positive impact on, who live based on the good example he set, those merits accumulate and are added to his behalf when his soul is reassessed on Yom Kippur.
Therefore, it is customary to pledge money to charity in the merit of the departed one so that it should stand in their merit on Yom Kippur.
But why should those who have living parents not stay in the Synagogue and observe what goes on during Yizkor? One answer offered is that perhaps someone unlearned might recite the prayers and insert the name of someone still living and cause a bad omen.
I recently came across an interesting explanation offered by Levush Mordechai. There is a law that when a Chatan – a groom within the seven days of his marriage – is in synagogue, the penitential and memorial prayers are not recited. The reason is that since it is a holiday for the Chatan, it is not appropriate to mar his happiness with recitation of penitential prayers or mentioning the names of the deceased in his presence. The Chatan’s holiday impacts on every person in attendance at the synagogue and they acquire some level of the holiday of the Chatan. One person’s happiness impacts on so many!
If so, how is it that we mention the names of our departed on the holiday of our Atonement? Isn’t it a disturbance to the spirit of the holiday? The answer is, on the contrary, for those who have lost a loved one, there is a certain catharsis and special feeling that overcomes them by mentioning the names of those dear to them. Even if tears are shed, it helps them get into the spirit of the holiday, and for them it is appropriate to recite Yizkor on the holiday.
However, those who are fortunate and have parents do not have such feelings of yearning. If they would stay and witness the longing that is expressed during Yizkor, it would certainly disturb their holiday. Therefore, they leave the synagogue, for the service would not be able to go on if they would be present because doing so would disturb the celebration of their holiday!
What emerges is that Yom Kippur has ingredients of a Holiday. We are to feel a level of joy, for our personal service on this holy day has the capacity to wipe away the residue of our sins and enable us to emerge with a clean slate. With this refreshed feeling we can increase our devotion and dedication to G-d and humanity. Only we, who are blessed with life, have this great fortune and opportunity!
