Our forefather Yaacov following the instructions of his parents to find a wife, traveled from Israel to the Land of Charan where his uncle, Lavan, resided.
G-d speeded up his travels and Yaacov made it to Charan in record time.
The Torah describes that Yaacov arrived in Charan at midday at the outskirts of the city. He noticed shepherds and their flocks gathered around a well that had a heavy rock on it as a security so that the rich commodity of water would not be stolen.
Yaacov asked the shepherds where they were from, and they responded that they were from Charan. He then asked if they knew Lavan and they responded positively. They then pointed out that his daughter Rachel was approaching shepherding his sheep.
Yaacov then turned to the shepherds and asked them: “The day is still not over; it seems you are calling it a day, while you still should be in the pasture.” They explained that all the shepherds needed to gather to lift the heavy rock that was sitting upon the well in order for them to hydrate the sheep.
Let’s stand back for a moment and reflect on the circumstances. Here is Yaacov, a sagely elderly 77 year old man, a total stranger questioning the shepherds about their work habits! What is even more puzzling is that the gruff shepherds answered him politely and respectfully. Asks the Ponevitcher Rav, Rabbi Yosef Sholom Kahanaman o.b.m, what was it about Yaacov that enabled him to effectively question the shepherds?
The Ponevitcher Rav explains that the key was the way Yaacov started his conversation with the shepherds. When Yaacov came to the well, the Torah tells us he prefaced his remarks by calling the shepherds, “Achai – My brothers”. Then he asked, “Where are you from?” Yaacov immediately connected with shepherds and they felt that he was speaking to them as a brother, someone who was concerned about them and displayed brotherly love. From that point, anything that Yaacov said to them was accepted and respected because they felt that it was out of pure love and concern for them.
One can never underestimate the effect of a smile and a good polite warm word.
During Shiva for my father, there were many visitors. One visitor was Mr. Shelley Lang.
Shelley Lang used to perform for a yearly concert in Camp Mogen Avraham, where my father was the rabbi, and where we attended. In his day, Shelley Lang was a popular singer at weddings.
My brother who is friendly with Shelley’s son shared with me the following. “Do you know, Shelley named one of his sons Shneur after Rabbi Shneur Kotler o.b.m. the great Rosh Hayeshiva/Dean of Lakewood’s BMG. He was not a student of Reb Shneur, but he was a great admirer of him. This was because at every wedding Reb Shneur officiated at or attended, Reb Shneur would make it his business to stop by the bandstand and compliment Shelley on his performance. The seemingly small gestures of a venerable sage meant so much to Shelley, that after Reb Shneur passed away he named his newborn son Shneur!”
Let’s get back to our forefather Yaacov. The Torah relates that Yaacov intended to marry Rachel and after working seven years for Lavan for the right to marry his daughter Rachel, Lavan switched the bride for her older sister Leah. Yaacov then married Rachel and had to work for Lavan an additional seven years. Over the course of the 20 years that Yaacov lived with Lavan, Lavan cheated him 100 times.
You would think Lavan’s deceitful nature would wear off on Yaacov. Absolutely not! Yaacov worked on his character to such a degree that he influenced others but he was not influenced.
In the Hagadah of Pesach it states that Lavan wished to destroy the continuance of the Jewish people. He was so deceitful that Yaacov’s greatness could not penetrate his awful essence.
Yaacov was totally focused on perpetuating the legacy of his parents Yitzchok and Rivka and his grandparents Avraham and Sarah. He thus produced the twelve tribes through his wives Rachel, Leah, Bilah and Zilpa.
Yaacov saw the value in small gestures that can boost and elevate others. At the same time, he didn’t let the big or small stuff thrown at him stymie his sacred mission in life. These qualities are inbred in us, his descendants, to exercise and embrace!